Being half-serious is often a good thing. People can never guess if you are joking or not, so they are careful with you and you can always turn everything into a joke if the serious business went wrong.
But as for art it isn't so good, really. You don't consider yourself as an artist enough to claim this and, consequently, dive into the serious business with fellow artists, projects, target audience and all that stuff. But you are serious enough to long for fame secretly and, hell, spend your time that you could have devoted to sth you are more talented at on drawing etc. So, you get torn between two choices
1. work hard, learn, fight, win
2. relax, not take it too seriously, not expect anything and just get pleasure of the process.
If you try to combine, it is a waste of time. And you are not that young already.
well, i guess i'm too weak and lazy to fight without a magic kick, but too conceited to admit the defeat again the choice; why on Earth do i always have to choose?!
not ice.